Having clear goals is key for success!
Having clear, and proper goals is a key element of success in any area of life! – Pick Up is no different. Without goals you go out, standing/hanging around somewhere and go home alone afterwards and in the worst case you even call this a nice evening. Without goals there is no motivation and focus on achievements.
We all have dreams and desires. Everybody is searching for something. Some people do accomplish their dreams while others still struggle to satisfy their basic needs. Change is automatic – Progress is not.
For positive progress in life there’s a need for a mindset of positively worded goals.
So how do you go about setting effective goals which get you where you want to go? First you need to look at your situation like it is (CURRENT-state) and where we want to go (TARGET-state). The DEVIATION of both states is the reason for the problems which need to be solved. As soon as it’s clear what’s needed to be changed it’s time for a plan (PLAN). A plan contains clear tasks (TASKS), which have to be handled, and most important, which targets have to be achieved.
- CURRENT-state: I’m afraid to approach any women.
- TARGET-state: I socialize with girls wherever I go.
- DEVIATION: My approach anxiety stops me, in fact I go out too little and generally don’t socialize enough
- PLAN: I solve my approach anxiety / create a plan for going out every weekend to practice
- TASKS: I do hypnosis which reduces any approach anxiety, I look for a wing who pushes me. I plan every week to go out 2x during the weekend.
- This example makes clear that a target, a task and a plan is not the same. They are three essential factors for causing any change.
- This process needs the ability to be honest to yourself about the actual reality and the courage to specify your wishes.
People who are afraid to pursue their dreams are following other people’s dreams.
Focus on Solution vs Focus on Problems only
For a lot of people it’s normal to think about problems. Culprits will be identified and the problems analysed. This problem-based mindset may feel comfortable but will stand in the way for reaching the goals. What do you think about if you think about “not having a headache” – correct – you are still thinking about the headache. Rather than thinking about feeling healthy and thinking clearly.
Therefore it is important to focus your mind on positively worded goals. You need to focus on the solution, the goals you want to achieve. Goals create positive changes. They focus you on tasks which need to be solved along the way. This mindset may lead to more success, women or pleasure depending on the goals. The first step towards this is solution-oriented thinking.
“The more you think about your problems the harder it will be to solve them”.
Successful thinking is mostly focused on the future. Past focused questions like “what was my part at xxx?” may be supportive in defining the future.
More important are questions like:
- “What can I change to solve the problem?”
- “What can I do better next time?”
- “How can I do it differently?”
Being focused on solutions is an attitude towards life. The ability for finding solutions will be strengthening the more often you look for it. After a short while you will evolve an intuitive feeling for solutions.
And maybe you want to ask yourself which kind of people you are preferring. The people mainly concerned about problems or the goal-oriented ones.
Exercise – Set your Goals
Getting an overview how you handle goals.
- Take your time and think about your actual goals in life. Write down all of them. Hopefully there are a lot.
- Critical rethink your goals. Ask yourself which are really your ones.
- Select the three most important ones for you and define for all of them. CURRENT-state, TARGET-state, DEVIATION and the PLAN and TASKS to achieve your goal.
Carefully check if you handle your goal in all parts of life the same way or if there are any differences. This exercise will bring you clarity on how you handle your goals in life.
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