A few days ago I had coffee with a few of my Summer Camp students and we started an interesting topic: Leading, I came up on the fly with some good models for leading, and wanted to share them with all of you guys here.
People in general love leaders, and there are million of reasons why is that, let’s analyze some main qualities that leaders have and how they affect people. I will be mainly talking from my perspective, and relate to events that happened to you in your life. You can incorporate those things immediately and start to lead.
A leader makes a decision, that is good for HER/the whole group – therefore you follow him.
Situation:
2 AM, you and 3 girls in front of a night club. The club is closing, your girls would like to go somewhere else but they don’t know where. They start to argue with each other in front of the club.
One girl would like to go to Club X. The other girl doesn’t like Club X because her ex-boyfriend works there. The third girl wants to go to a lounge bar, the first girl says “no” because she cannot dance there.
What a leader does (you in this case)
You have to come up with a plan (a club) that will make all 3 girls + you happy.
Ideal: a place that’s open for the next few hours, that has a dance floor, and not far away. Something for the next few hours.
You say: “Girls, I know this place “Y”, it’s behind the corner, it’s a cool bar but you can dance, and it’s the best place in the area, let’s go”, you take one of the girls who like this idea and start walking, the others will follow.
Leaders help people reach their goals in their confused situations. A great leader can make the whole group happy with one decision. Once you start doing it on a regular basis, people will start to follow you and ask you for advice on what to do/where to go.
A leader has a plan that sounds good/better then other plans – therefore people follow him.
If your plan makes sense to all of them and they are all satisfied with it, they will accept you to lead them.
2) A leader takes responsibility for an action, they get courage and they follow him.
Situation:
You are standing on a sidewalk preparing to cross the street (crosswalk), it’s red, there are 10 people around you waiting to cross the street as well. There are no cars, left or right. You feel stupid waiting, everyone is waiting for the green light.
You start crossing the road.
What do they do? —> they follow. Not all of them, but a few.
Most people are afraid to break a law by themselves, but if they see someone else doing it, they will get the courage and join. But they need someone to start it. They need a leader!
3) A leader that has strong beliefs and they resonate with him – people will follow him.
Martin Luther King managed to gather millions with his “I have a dream” speech, just sharing publicly his few beliefs. This was way before internet, TV, newspapers… If people like what you share/think/believe, they will follow you.
Formula for leading in seduction
The one who follows should always be happy and think the lead gets her/him to something good (what he/she wants).
A leader doesn’t lead just because he likes to lead, of course he has his intentions and goals.
For example:
A player’s goal of leading in a club is to get a girl/girls back to his place for sex.
Wrong playing: after 20 minutes of conversation with a girl in a club you say “Hey, let’s go back to my place”. A girl will resist, because:
- a) she doesn’t trust you yet
- b) the leap is too big for her (jump from club to home)
- c) she feels like a slut – going home directly from a club
Exception: this can work only with girls who are totally horny, and therefore the lead make sense because she wants it.
Watch full course on leading with life examples
So, rule #2 on leading is:
Always create a wish/need for it before leading towards it.
A proper player’s way of leading towards his place:
Step 1 of a lead:
After 15 minutes of conversation you say “Let’s go get some drinks”, you isolate her to a bar or somewhere else in the club – it was good for her/she gets something. The player is one step closer to his goal.
Step 2 of a lead:
It’s 2-3 AM, she is probably hungry (we all are at that time). Player: “There is a good salad bar outside of the club, let’s go get some food.” – Player is 2 steps closer to his goal. She is outside of the club.
Step 3 of a lead:
After the food, the player can easily lead her to his place for a glass of wine/some drinks…
Conclusion to Lead
A player sees a global plan, a full picture and has a clear vision of the end goal and the steps he has to take. A girl does not see the whole picture. She as a follower sees only one step ahead. A girl may refuse a drink or food, but the player stays on his global outcome as he finds an alternative solution. It’s like GPS… “This road is blocked, finding an alternative route to home”.
So an important rule of leading is:
A girl always feels your leading is good for her, she benefits from it. It has to make sense for her, otherwise the lead will fall apart.
Example 1 (bad):
Player says “Let’s go to my car.” (he wants to isolate her for sex)
The girl will resist/refuse because:
- a) It’s vague
- b) “Why are we going to the car?”
- c) “What are we going to do there?” (suspicion)
- d) It has nothing to do with her (why does she need a car?)
The lead will fall apart
Example 2: (good)
“Let’s move to a better club, it just opened, it’s the best one in town… you simply have to see it. Let’s go for a drink there. It’s too far to walk to there since you are in high heels, so let’s get my car and drive there. Come…”
Now, this lead makes sense for her, and it has a clear explanation why she needs a car (high heels and walking). It’s a good plan and she will agree for you to take her there. You do not really have to go to a second club. Once you have her in the car, you can change the plan and escalate or come up with a better plan or do whatever you want.
Since a player has to manage groups of people, deal with her friends, her, he has to become a leader. He has to take care of her/them. So start adding good leadership skills to your personality. You will need them in all areas of life.
Learn more about how to turn a girl on.
