Good news first – you are not the only one having “voices in your head”!
What is self-talk?
Self talk is common – even ordinary… Although not everybody is aware of it yet, “thinking” is an additive process and how you “speak” to your self is key for having a good, proper inner game.
Science estimates that people having about 60’000 thoughts a day. For an “average” person 72% of them are either pure repetition or just nonsense – 25% destructive ideas which harm yourself and only 3% constructive, positive thoughts.
Considering these numbers there’s much space for improvement and fine-tuning.
Inner talk creates your reality
Each and every thought is shaping your reality – it contributes to forming your map of the world and gives meaning to whatever happens around you.
Self talk happens usually automatically / unconsciously and affects your inner game significantly in either direction. Take for example how you react to a rejection: You may ask yourself things like “Do I suck while approaching?”, “I’m I bad with women?”, “I’m I ugly?” or just tell yourself stuff like “Too bad this girl was in a hurry. Too bad for her… She missed the opportunity to meet me. Well, there are plenty other nice girls around”.
In any case your self-talk is not “true”. Reality and how you see it always has many aspects. But one of the above inner talks supports you and the other blocks you from any success.
And self-talk is not just “a thought”. People tend to repeat thoughts again and again – so that it becomes a powerful positive or negative self-hypnosis, which affects you emotionally and even physically:
Just imagine the outcome of bad self-talk entering a club during night-game. When you give up even before the first approach or having a bad mindset in general – your stress-level will be significantly higher. Your pulse and breathing, for example, are in “stress mode”, you start sweating more intense and all your movement is less relaxed. You are more nervous and looking around hectically. When speaking to somebody your pitch of the voice is less masculine and you may even forget what to say. And the girls will feel your stress too and enjoy the time with you less, therefore. Therefore rejection is more likely and worse inner dialogues happen…
In this case your negative self-talk created a “self-fulfilling prophecy” as all the actions (conscious, subconscious and even unconscious) based on negative expectation.
So it is now time to reclaim your self-talk and inner voice and tell yourself positive things and ask yourself good questions.
How to recognize bad inner talk
So it’s your choice, which way you want to hypnotize yourself – positively or negatively. It’s not necessary to change your self talk fundamentally. Start with gradual changes. The first step is observing what you are doing.
Imagine you are observing yourself like you are observing a good friend. How is this guy talking about himself? Is he describing reality correctly? Does he say things which are helpful? What changes could he make? When is it time to just “change the topic”?
Be honest to yourself about the actual situation and analyze it properly. But you would like to “be realistic and constructive for the future” and not engage in destructive criticism. Give yourself verbal support like you would support a good friend.
Observe your thoughts well this week. Especially when something good “happens” and in situations when you failed. These are the best situations for being focussed on the self-talk.
Is there any difference? For example whenever you achieve your goals you congratulate yourself by saying “I did it well – I succeed – I made it possible” or when something bad enters your life to talk to yourself like “You failed – next time you have to do it better – you should know it better – you did it wrong again.”.
Or is there any different voice (for example your father or a strict teacher from your past) telling you what’s is possible for you?
Observe yourself talk carefully and make notes in which situation you would like to amend it. Is there any thought coming up several times a day?