Buy her a drink or not?
This one of those “uncomfortable” topics that nobody talks about and everyone comes across with it during lifetime many times. As well its an amazing test for your social and emotional intelligence, it’s an amazing test to see how well do you understand women and social/dating dynamics. I’ve noticed many guys, many players even TOP coaches FAIL at this very fragile moment in seduction. They don’t know how to handle it smoothly without creating uncomfortable moments between him and a girl.
Recently there was a big FB post that went viral and got involved big part of the community on this topic and it gave me an idea and motivation to nail this topic once forever and explain this topic from every angle.
“Buy me a drink” situation is an amazing test for your Game Intelligence. Because of its required deeper understanding of the female mind and cultural programming. Be prepared to learn something new in this amazing post.
“WOULD YOU BUY ME A DRINK? SHE ASKS”
You are in club, bar, talking with this smoking hot girl, a conversation is going perfect, and then it comes that moment where she looks into your eyes and innocently asks you: “Would you buy me a drink”?
This is a moment where 80% of guys fuck it up.
Let’s see some really fucked up responses that will mess up the energy of interaction :
- Buy your own drink asshole
- Are you poor/broke?
- I don’t buy girls drinks.
- Looks her dead in the eyes…It was nice to meet you” and walks away…
- “Tell me why should I buy you drink?”
- Haha u can buy ME a drink
- You have to earn it
- Only if you buy me a drink first
- How much for a blow job
- I think you are a bit confused
- I only buy drinks for girls I have sex with
If you wish to see a full list of what not to say just go here.
If you read between lines, the basic attitude of most man is fuck off, I am not spending any money on you / I will do it only if you promise to have sex with me. This attitude is cheap & lame and won’t bring you much of success in life. You may not understand it yet, but trust me. We all had this attitude at one point during our growth as a man.
WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING / IS SHE TESTING OR?
I guess I am very lucky because I can understand/engage my brain to think like a woman, so I can see what is happening from their perspective. Being a man, Alpha male, and having this unique skill and trait is beyond amazing. Let me teach you what is happening inside her body/ mind during that conversation / why they ask for a drink?
We all have some reference points how meeting/seduction has to look like in our minds. It can be from movies, books we read etc…
Women have their fantasies as well about how that interaction ( when she likes the guy) should go. Mainly its based on Hollywood movies, and other forms of social programming they acquire during their childhood/puberty.
You will see it in every Hollywood movie a man meets a charming lady in bar/club, they talk, have a drink, he pays for it, next scene they leaving to his place and having sex. We all have seen it dozen of times in our lifetimes. It became a normal social/dating interaction. This is where originally this fantasies came from.
By you skipping this part of modern mating ritual you are triggering lots of social norm questions in her head :
- Why is he so cheap?
- What’s wrong with him?
- Maybe he’s broke?
- Why he doesn’t want to buy me a drink and he wants to have sex with me?
- Is there something wrong with me?
- Maybe he doesn’t like me?
Well, lots of negative thoughts/energy is being created here. In seduction, you tend to avoid anything that can trigger her negative thinking about you.
But buying that drink for few euro / usd does much more then just fulfills her Hollywood fantasies.
It shows you understand dating dynamics
It shows you are ready to invest in her
It shows you are interested in her as well
It demonstrates you have no problem with money. ( financially ok) which is really important nowadays for women. ( lots of guys today are broke or in deep financial problems). Women tend to avoid those. It is not that attractive.
It’s a first “I take care of you” in your relationship
Any sharing food/ drinks with a person will create another layer of trust/bond. This is engraved in us for millions of years.
Especially if you go to Eastern European countries like Ukraine or Russia, and all the countries around, you will come across on this topic in almost every interaction/ approach. And no it’s NOT that all Slavic girls are Gold-diggers or very thirsty :). It’s Social & Cultural programming. You can have all the Indicators of interest, she will have her panties wet willing to go home and have sex with you, BUT if you do not buy that ONE drink it simply not going to happen. Man buying a drink in those cultures is a part of the Dating / Mating Ritual. Its a part of the process. You not understanding it or accepting it’s your loss.
It’s like you want to play football or Tennis with some people but you do not understand the rules of the game. You will look stupid in their eyes. Same goes here.
DRINK-DIGGERS / LIFE FOR FREE IS AMAZING
Does that mean you should buy a drink for every girl you talk to? Hell no.
Lots of girls out there tend to live “life is amazing” lifestyle.. they go for dates, they lunch and dine for free, they get in clubs for free, guys buying them drinks. It can be an amazing lifestyle.
Yea those girls exist and they will try to get as many free things just because they are beautiful. It’s a life of hot girls. Not all of them but lots of them they live like that.
Recently I met one hot girl who managed to spend a full month living in London without spending one cent on food & drinks. Full month! How?
Tinder.. she had guys scheduled for lunch & dinner every fucking day. Imagine that! How many she had sex with? Not much I guess.. 1/2?
Just like you, trying to cheat the system, trying to get as many things for free / saving money, girls try to do it as well, and do not judge them or call names because of it. There are so many lonely rich guys out there who are ready to throw lots of money on her just to have her in his company.
SHIT TEST GIRL VS HONEST GIRL
That’s why whole this “drink” thing is a very “walking on edge topic”. In 60% of cases girl will really like you and be into you, and this “drink” thing will come out from her need to connect with you, spend more time with you.
It’s like her asking for it, is asking to replay those scenes from movies she watched on Tv. She is giving you green lights to do your thing you should do as a Man. Or she is just thirsty from too much talking with you 🙂
In other 40% of cases are those girls who you want to avoid. Girls who are fucking it up for all other girls. Girls who go out to live an amazing life on Man’s wallet.
#BADBOY’S DRINK FORMULA
How will you know is she the girl to invest few euro’s in and buy her that drink?
Well, it’s pretty easy, just follow this simple formula :
<10MIN – do not buy her drink
If the whole “buy me something” comes within first 10 minutes of interaction, She is a very likely a drink-digger, or she is testing how much she can control you / how submissive are you. DO NOT BUY DRINKS TO THOSE GIRLS! They are not into you, they will just flirt to get a free drink
>20MIN+ – buy her drink
If you spend 20 minutes or more talking to a girl, and you see she likes you, the conversation is going smooth, she is investing energy and time to talk to you, she is enjoying being with you and “but me a drink” comes there deep inside TCC stage, then buy her a drink! That drink will get you laid probably!
PICKING UP CLUES ALONG THE WAY
Being good in the game or good with women includes a skill of being good at reading between lines, aka things she is not saying or things she would like to say but she can’t because of social programming. They are playing the Socially indirect game because they are restricted by society. Fear control. If she shows too much interest or sexually too open she will be labeled as a slut or easy. None of the girls want something like that. Therefore they play dating game in “gloves”.
There are many examples. Let’s take “Let’s go dance” for this instance.
When a girl says to you “Let’s go dance”, NO she doesn’t want to dance with you, she is not really asking you to show her your fantastic moves on the dancefloor. You have to look deeper for what she is really saying here. She is asking for you to get more intimate with her, to touch her… It’s the female version of “Sexual escalation”. But sexual escalation with respecting social boundaries. Dance floor. Buy me a drink is another example of hidden meaning inside it. You being good with a woman, you better understand all of the hidden messages( things that they are not saying), like we teach on Summer Camp ..otherwise, you are missing out very important clues.
Women will actually tell you everything how they want to be seduced, you just have to listen to her and read between lines on what are they saying.
SHE SHOULD NOT ASK FOR A DRINK!
Good players, we experienced guys never get asked such a question. This simply does not happen to us. Why? Social Intelligence 101’ . If she asks for it, I know it’s already too late, I should have recognized it and did it before. If I talk with a hot girl, and conversation is going well, she is falling in love with me, everything is going smooth and we are in bar/club, I will ask her what she wants to drink. I will lead, I will initiate it, I will take care of it. She doesn’t need to remind me of the process of seduction. I am the man, I am controlling flow, I am the one who is creating magic.
It’s sad that a girl has to say it or ask for a drink. If you are getting this sentence often, it means something is seriously wrong with what are you doing with ladies.
If you truly want to be a gentleman, ask her what she would like and get it for her. Minimise your emotional drama about it. You will score additional points in her head.
Now knowing all of this, let’s compile best responses. In your player’s toolbox, you need one good response to play with Gold/Drink-Diggers and one for those honest normal girls..
I personally use these 2 :
Normal girls :
“Buy me a drink”
“I will buy you thousands of drinks if you are The One”
Then talk for a few minutes and then lead to the bar.
Free Drink-Diggers :
cute Laugh in her face + “See, my mom’s warned me about girls like you”
Change the topic and continue building Sexual attraction + TCC
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Who is Badboy?
Dan is World’s best Dating coach. Inventor of Direct and Natural Game. Voted for NO#1 PUA in the world for 2013 & 2014.One of the characters in “The Game” Bestselling book by Neil Strauss. In last 15 years he coached more then 10.000 guys . His understanding of female mind and gift for teaching is never seen before. He is an Inventor, writer, seducer, player. Keep him away from your wife's, girlfriends...